Epic Time Crunch

For 28 days, I’ve accepted the challenge to write every day. Find more on my motives here. See how far I’ve come hereToday’s topic that I chose from Jenni’s list at Story of My Life:

What scares you most?

To be perfectly honest, I’m afraid of not having enough time.

Spreading myself thin is something I’m good at. It stems from my inability to say “no.” I have an innate desire to get involved in everything. I read a magazine, and I think OH OH! I could totally write for this publishing group. They need me.

Um, yeah. Except that you have a job.

Or I’ll talk to a friend who wants to start up a website and I think OH OH! Let me help you create it and run it on the back-end—we’ll do it together!

Um, yeah. Except that you have your own website.

What is that? Does anyone else suffer from chronic involved-ness? About a year ago, I decided I wanted to go back to school to get my master’s in dietetics so that I could eventually become a Certified Diabetes Educator. Everyone was pumped for me. I was pumped for me. It was a solid idea. Since then, I’ve been chipping away at my prerequisite courses before I can apply to the program … but I’ve hit a roadblock. I cannot get myself motivated on these last two courses. (Science courses, go figure.) They’re not on a set academic schedule, other than I have a year to complete them… and somehow, 9 months has gone by and I still haven’t completed them. It’s one of those things where I honestly feel that if I’m meant to go this route in life, the motivation will find me. Is that crazy?

And it’s not that I’m just sitting around doing nothing all day. I’m avoiding school because I’m too scared of not making enough time for the other things in life (arguably, the important things in life): our house chores, my amazing job, my happy dog, my bike, my yoga practice.. my incredible husband who loves me and wants to spend time with me. Someday, there will be little Mollies and Seans to deal with, too… and then how important will science class be? It’s a fear of letting people down, too. A fear of letting myself down.

Even when I’m on super fun adventures like this one, below, cycling the Going to the Sun road in Glacier National Park, I hear in the back of my mind this little voice saying you could be studying… don’t forget!

IMG_2778

I could talk circles about justifying this fear of in either direction, but for now, for my writing purposes… I’m going to let this fear be out in the open, here on the Internet.

Sometimes, putting yourself out there is the first step to encouraging the solution to materialize. Here’s to solutions.

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